You’re not alone. Stop listening to Depression
‘How do I spell it out to you? I’m depressed.’ The subject of depression is a heavy conversation starter. For those of us who struggle with sharing and vulnerability it’s not easy. How can I articulate this? Will they understand? How will they react? All of these questions fire in our minds like an alert system.
Silence – good for peace and bad for depression
Talking isn’t always easy. I know that for a fact. Friends and family have asked, ‘why didn’t you talk to me?’ Sharing with those you love that you’re feeling depressed isn’t an easy thing to do. It’s a scary thing. More importantly, it’s a very brave thing.
When you’re in that state it’s hard to come out of it because it does become the norm for you. We expect those we love to see and hear us without us having to talk because that would be easier. First, we overthink and panic. Then we imagine negative thoughts that others might say. So in the end, we decide to stay silent. Silence is as equally good as it is bad. In other words, not verbalizing how we feel right away has consequences that lead to depression. But those negative voices will torment you into silence.
Mine, for example, I felt like a failure. I was not living up to expectations I had set for myself. These expectations were on comparing myself and where I was to that of my family. I didn’t realise at the time that life had been hard for them. Though they looked like they had everything figured out, they still had struggles and failings.
Part of me knew that my way of thinking was a significant obstacle. However, it wasn’t the only thing holding me back. I had to learn to let go and forgive.
Forgiveness is Key
What I mean is that the trials and struggles from my past had stuck with me. I was bullied, and this stayed with me into adulthood. It had a huge impact on my life and experiences in relationships. I was a doormat for anyone to walk over and a lot did. I still felt like that little girl who was bullied, the victim. The relationships I had were horrendous. There was always the same pattern. I was looked down upon and easily manipulated. It became harder to trust people after that and I became more and more isolated.
Forgiving others is not an easy thing to do but it isn’t for them it is for you. You can forgive and walk away. You can forgive and never say. The hardest part was forgiving myself. For too long I had allowed myself to be that doormat. I was foolish enough to willingly hand over my trust. Wisdom is so important in life and learning from mistakes. It took me a few hit and misses to finally get there. Forgiveness helped to cleanse my mind and wash away any dirt and grime, it wiped me clean and restored me.
Lift up that dusty doormat and find the key.
Family stays & Depression goes
I stayed in that dark place for a while. My family never stopped trying to reach me. Even when friends left, they didn’t. Staying is the most important thing someone needs. I needed that support group. My family helped me to see that they were there to support and love me unconditionally. My parents have always been a solid team and their strength helped to give me strength. They weren’t afraid to be vulnerable and open up about their struggles whenever they recognized my struggles or my siblings. They weren’t disappointed. They were concerned and wanted to help.
Negative voices are loudest in the dark. When you’re alone, thoughts want to keep it that way. This is a survival instinct in order to protect yourself from harm or repeated abuse. My depression started with bullying and led to pain. It progressed to comparison and then to envy. This developed into negative thinking and anxiety. That need for approval eventually resulted in depression. It all linked together as one big chain around me. That’s how that happened, but what happened to save me from it was incredible.
Love Saved Me
Love, kindness and compassion came in the form of my parents who never stopped trying to help me. There presence and guidance provided comfort and support that rivalled a bullies heavy blow of brutality. When they spoke it was always truth spoken in love. When the bully spoke it was through spite and lies. A bully doesn’t know who you are, they often tear you down to make themselves feel better. The people closest to you do not give up on you. As mentioned before, they stay with you through your storms. They know the real you.
Love triumphs over hate. Love has the power to heal what was broken. Real love sees the real you and accepts you. And Love is encouraging of others and is content. Perfect love casts out fear. Love is there to stay.
I thought I was all alone in the darkest of nights, hands reached out to me and pulled me into the light, and I didn’t have to hide.
Follow the link to my previous page: Self-improvement: How to Live with Social Anxiety and Negative Thoughts
Follow the link to my following page: Self-improvement: How to beat an eating disorder
The books that I found most helpful for this topic were ‘making peace with depression,’ ‘why has nobody told me this before,’ and ‘cognitive behavioral therapy.’ Links below in order as written.